Profit tips in a depression.

With the stock market crashing every day, companies in free fall and stock values being decapitated daily, its important to choose wisely during these strained economic times. But the good news is that there are a few stocks out there that are doing well, and will turn you a tidy depression profit.

1. Bindles Inc. (BIND)

"Keeping your last worldly possessions safe from competing hobos since 1932."

Quite possibly the worlds finest bindles. At over 400 thread count these bindles will keep your remaining possessions safe and away from the dirty clutches of your neighbor hobos as you cris-cross the rails of America aimlessly until the next world war.


2. Bean Time. (FART)

"Don't be so sad about a depression. Its bean time!"

What other meal quite fills you up more after watching your daughter feed an old malnourished man with her breast milk in an abandoned flooded barn? Beans of course, silly! Packed with protein, and syrup its bound to pick you up and fill you with that wholesome treat from yester year, most likely because our cans are still left over from the last depression.


3. Louisville Slugger (LSS)

"America's rioters choice."

What better way to show your appreciation to Wall street, corporate head, lobbyists, and the government than with a Louisville Slugger? Everyone knows that authentic sound of a slugger pinging off the skulls of greedy old white men. And while it might not make your bank give your money back, breaking and burning it down might make you sleep a little better.

So enjoy these free tips to help you ride the depression in style and with a little luck a few extra coins in your pocket!