Wednesday, June 18, 2008

My NYC :30 Subway Pitch

Can I have everyone's attention please!
My name is Jesse Bowen.
I was born into a middle class family, with little to a lot of hope.
I had 6 minus 5 siblings and rarely had 3rds for dinner.
I flunked out of engineering and switched to art.
I am currently 40,000 in debt to the government for student loans.
I have a job, but I do live in New York.
I cannot afford 12 dollar martinis.
I have been degraded to buying happy hour drinks and tall boys from bodegas.
I have even sunk so low as to buy Kraft mac and cheese again.
(Dramatic Pause)
Im not looking for a handout, just a little help to get me through the week.
Anything will help, except pennies, you can keep those.
Nickels and dimes for that matter too.
Do bars take nickels? Never mind....
Besides those I'll take anything.
I have zero children who need their daddies support.
Please save a man from eating mac and cheese with a tall boy.
God bless you.


Alex Aloise said...

Step down from your soapbox you greedy bitch. I'd kill for a Tall Boy and some EasyMac. I'm living off Capri Suns and pudding skins. You dine like a king!

tor said...

you should go to union square where a man yells:

a penny?
a penny.
a penny!
a penny!!!
a penny!!!!
a penny!!!!!

he's right outside the whole foods you can't afford. you can't miss him.

jd said...

that was definitely not a :30. maybe a :60 if you hustle.

but then you might have to ditch the dramatic pause.